Amazing Spider-Man #24 (May 1965), from Stan Lee and Steve Ditko, may in fact be a meta commentary on insanity in that, after you’ve read it, you might question if you are completely off the rails. It is not, however, a delusion, but a comic that actually exists in the world.
The comic begins with a delivery man bringing a hat Aunt May has bought for Mrs. Watson’s tea party. He wants $6.75 COD, and Peter Parker gets it from the safest place to store money in any house, the cookie jar. Since Spider-Man is usually rewarded only in action and not cash, the cookie jar is a little low on both money and cookies. Peter decides it’s time to set his high school studies aside for a while and go take some pictures of Spider-Man to sell to the Daily Bugle.
There’s one problem in his plan, however. No one in New York City appears to be breaking the law.
Maybe you should try playing hard to get, Spidey. Desperation is never attractive.
Spider-Man is, however, lucky enough to stumble upon a nice jewelry store robbery. While the robbers are busy knocking over the jewelry store and possibly terrorizing the people inside, Spider-Man takes his time setting up his camera and waiting for the robbers to come out and stand in the optimal place for his photographs.
Everything finally starts going according to plan as Spidey takes down the crooks, all within view of his trusty camera. But it’s not only a camera eye on him. Daily Bugle reporter Frederick Foswell has seen the whole thing!
Foswell recognizes Spider-Man’s “punchin’ face” when he sees it.
Now Peter can’t sell the photos to J.J. Jameson, since Foswell saw the robbery but didn’t see Peter Parker there taking pictures. Peter decides he can’t risk Foswell telling that to Jameson and exposing his secret identity. So he destroys the negatives of the pictures (despite not having the money to buy more film) and declares the whole thing a “fizzle.” Sure, he stopped a robbery in progress and took criminals off the streets, but what good is that if you can’t cash in on pictures of it?
Broke and filmless, Peter decides he might as well sneak into The Daily Bugle and visit his girlfriend, Betty Brant. He doesn’t, however, want to be spotted by J.J. because really, who wants to have a conversation with that guy? So he does what any sane person would do and crawls along the floor of the office, hiding behind desks whenever he sees Jameson. There’s one close call when J.J. goes on the rampage, screaming for the head of the copy boy, but Peter finally makes it to Betty Brant’s desk unscathed.
The real question, Miss Brant, is why on Earth aren’t you getting my coffee?
Peter rationally explains that he’s crawling on the floor because he’s not enough of a man to risk a chance meeting with Jameson. Betty calls him silly, but then shoves his head back down as soon as she sees Foswell. (That guy’s just ruining everything today.)
While hiding under Betty’s desk, however, Peter discovers a letter she dropped addressed to Ned Leeds, a reporter currently in Europe. Peter questions Betty about why she’d dare write a letter to some other guy when she has a boyfriend. Because clearly, a relationship means all contact with other males is strictly verboten. Betty tells Peter that Ned wrote to her first and she felt bad for him since he was a lonely in Europe and didn’t know anyone. To which Peter sarcastically (and maturely) replies with “It sort of brought out the mother instinct in you, eh?”
Clearly, Peter, Betty is writing letters to Ned that could be submitted to Penthouse Forum. That’s why she keeps them on her desk at work. You don’t have to trust your girlfriend, or anything insane like that. You can just flip on her and storm out, like the beacon of maturity you are.
Honestly, Betty, you could do a lot better. I mean, just look at his outfit.
Peter decides the best way to deal with his jealousy is to put his Spider-Man costume back on and swing around the city. Because hey, why not? He questions why he’s so jealous, since he and Betty aren’t even engaged. Everyone knows you can’t dictate a woman’s every move until there’s a ring on her finger, Spider-Man.
He also wonders whether J.J. and Foswell will use the story about him nabbing those jewelry store burglars from earlier. We quickly find out that yes, Jameson wants to use that story. Only it’s a little bland, what with being factual and all. He’d rather it be re-written with Spider-Man as the bad guy. He asks Foswell to claim that Spider-Man completely brutalized those guys. You know, the poor, innocent thieves who were just trying to make a living stealing from jewelry stores!
Foswell isn’t so sure about that and Jameson tries to get him on his side by reminding him about that time Spider-Man sent him to jail for being a crime boss and all. (There Spider-Man goes again, stopping criminals! Can’t something be done about that?) Foswell says he tries not to think about that too much, so Jameson gives up on getting any use out of him. He does, however, have a new, even better idea! He decides instead of being the only person writing editorials about how much Spider-Man is a menace, he’ll get ordinary people to go on record saying they hate Spider-Man, too. Brilliant!
Responsible journalism at work, folks.
Once the promise of being in the paper is on the table, people can’t wait to line up to say what a jackass Spider-Man is. Not everyone, however, is so quick to sell-out. Midtown High football captain Flash Thompson makes it known that he thinks Spidey is the greatest – and The Daily Bugle better print that!
Regrettably, however, the reporter has somehow managed to run out of tape right at that moment and can’t include Flash’s statements. Flash is having none of that, however, and chases the man down, threatening him with what he’ll do, should he dare malign the good name of Spider-Man.
The Daily Bugle: always fair and balanced when it comes to Spider-Man
Once he’s done defending the honor of Spider-Man, Flash decides to go indulge in some of his hatred of Peter Parker. (Oh, the irony!) Flash finds Peter with his “reluctant” girlfriend, Liz Allan, as she asks Peter for help with her science homework.
Flash tries to talk to Liz, but she wants nothing to do with him, probably because of that whole “reluctant girlfriend” thing. (What does that even mean, comic from 1965???) She walks off from Flash, leaving him to seethe about how much he hates that Peter Parker and can’t wait for the chance to be alone with him so he can beat him to a pulp. You know, just as long as it doesn’t interfere with the time he spends defending Spider-Man.
I’m sorry, Flash. Any woman who tells you “toodle-oo” is not nuts about you. Just nuts.
In the meantime, J.J. Jameson has immediately printed copies of all the “interviews” from people who claim to hate Spider-Man and distributed them around New York City. Who has time to worry about printing schedules at a time like this? The fact that Spider-Man is a menace must be known!
His boldface lies, er, respectable journalism seems to be doing the trick, too, as the people who read the Bugle decide that if so many people state in an op-ed column in a newspaper run by someone with a clear anti Spider-Man agenda say that Spidey’s evil and must be stopped, well, he should be! Sure, they never really thought Spider-Man was that bad of a guy, but if everyone else does, why, he should be in jail!
Then, just to make this even more the best day of J. Jonah Jameson’s life, Dr. Ludwig Rinehart, renowned psychiatrist on vacation from Europe, stops by the Daily Bugle to tell Jameson that Spider-Man isn’t just a menace – he’s certifiably insane!
If this is what passes as “logic” in Jameson’s mind, so much is suddenly explained…
After receiving news from this completely reliable and fact-checked source, Jameson decides to immediately run another story about Spider-Man, this one claiming he’s mentally insane. (I really feel for the people who have to keep printing all these special editions of the Daily Bugle. I imagine they never sleep, never see their families. Instead, they live out their miserable existences chained to the printing presses, awaiting the every whim of J. Jonah Jameson.)
Back at home in Queens, Peter Parker has gotten his hands on what’s at least the third edition today of the Bugle, only to read that he’s a certified nutjob. Aunt May, unaware that the paper is actually talking about her own nephew, tells Peter he shouldn’t read the paper because all those news stories will just give him nightmares. The newspaper should know better than to print all those alarming crime stories where the impressionable youth might see them! (I’ll assume Aunt May believes the newspaper should be more like Cat Fancy.)
Peter, not feeling particularly insane at the moment, decides to call Betty Brant and ask what she knows about this Dr. Rinehart.
He’s from Europe, so you know everything he says is true!
Now this Dr. Rinehart? He’s never spoken to Peter, as far as anyone can tell. He’s never treated Spider-Man, and is basically just like those guys who give interviews to tabloids claiming they know Kim Kardashian actually believes she’s a two-headed llama because they treated someone this one time and totally know what they’re talking about, okay!?! But hey, he claims he’s a famous European psychiatrist, so everything he says must be true, right? Right?!
Peter immediately runs from his house, wanting to meet with Dr. Rinehart and find out straight from the source if he’s actually a crazy person. On the way there, however, he runs into none other than Flash Thompson, who thinks Peter might be going off to have a secret rendezvous with Liz Allan. Peter realizes he’s being followed by Flash and can’t change into his Spider-Man costume in order to meet Dr. Rinehart. (That alone might be enough to drive someone crazy.) Peter has an idea though: distract Flash with something shiny! (No, really.)
He grabs his “spider-beam” from his belt holder and and puts up the “spider signal” to distract Flash long enough for him to change into his costume.
NaNaNa…Spider-Man!
While Flash Thompson runs off to alert Commissioner Gordon, Spider-Man continues on to the Bugle to see if Jameson will tell him where he can meet with Rinehart and be hopefully declared sane. (Because yeah, that so sounds like something J.J. will help you with, Spider-Man…)
But wait! Before Spider-Man can get there, he runs into none other than Dr. Octopus! And holy shit, he just came right through the wall. Like magic!
In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the octopus man sleeps tonight…
And then he vanishes! But wait! It’s the Sandman! Spider-Man doesn’t even have time to formulate a plan, the Sandman attacks so fast.
And then he’s gone, too! This can only mean one thing. Spider-Man is cracking up!
No one would want to be rescued by a man in spider-webbed spandex if he were also crazy…
Spider-Man then swings past a giant bat. Which could either be suspicious or could be reacting to seeing a giant signal in the sky. It’s a toss up, really.
Now if only he can get to Dr. Rinehart before…
Oh, shit! It’s the Vulture!
Vulture men: the silent killer
Surprising only Spider-Man, the Vulture quickly vanishes, just like Dr. Octopus and the Sandman. Spidey is now convinced he’s truly insane and decides he can’t risk seeing Jameson now and, who will probably just use this as more fodder for his Spider-Man hate campaign. (Sanest decision made by anyone in this comic. Not that it’ll last long, however.)
Spidey heads back home, hoping a good night’s sleep will make him stop hallucinating supervillains. Instead, he gets a look at himself in the mirror, realizes he looks terrible, and runs from the house before Aunt May can see him and think he’s crazy, too. Because nothing says “sanity” like fleeing into the night.
Don’t worry, Petey. She laced that milk with lithium. You’ll be right as rain soon enough!
His “spider speed” is apparently not as speedy as he thinks it is, because Aunt May sees him take off. He also leaves the door wide open behind him, which Aunt May comments is behavior completely out of character for him. She knows he must be troubled. Probably because of all those newspapers he’s been reading!
Newspapers: driving families apart since 1965
Spider-Man knows now that he has to go right to the source – Dr. Rinehart. And thankfully, the paper printed Dr. Rinehart’s address right in the article!
But wait, you may be saying. Spider-Man didn’t know where Dr. Rinehart was before, which is why he was on his way to ask Jameson. And to that I say you are being waaay too picky. Look, Stan Lee is a busy man. He has a lot going on in his life. He can’t be expected to remember continuity from literally pages ago! The next thing you’ll be asking him to remember is his own characters names!
Spider-Man manages to make it to Dr. Rinehart’s without being attacked by anymore phantom villains. But does that mean his sanity has returned? Nope!
Mental illness has turned Spider-Man’s world upside down.
Spider-Man runs from the room, convinced that the fact that he sees furniture on the ceiling means he’s going to hurt someone. How Spidey makes the leap from visual hallucinations to violent delusions is never explained. Maybe because Spider-Man is crazy.
Dr. Rinehart gets off the ceiling long enough to chase Spider-Man down. Spider-Man has a sobbing breakdown on the doctor, begging him to help him before his insanity makes him hurt people.
After this, Dr. Rinehart can finally get that job with US Weekly!
Dr. Rinehart brings Spider-Man back into his office and – shocker! – all the furniture is back on the floor where it belongs! Spider-Man takes this as a sign that maybe he can regain his sanity after all!
Spider-Man tells Dr. Rinehart about all the things he’s been experiencing ever since he read that article that said he was crazy. (Because sure, none of this happened before, but if he read it in the paper, it must be true!) Dr. Rinehart insists this is all “to be expected” and all he’s going to need to do is have extensive psychotherapy.
And then – as if right on cue – Spider-Man’s hallucinations are back! He sees the villains attacking again, but Dr. Rinehart claims he doesn’t see them. It’s official Spidey – you’re nuts!
Don’t worry, Spider-Man. It’s just a little schizophrenia. No big deal!
Meanwhile, back at the Daily Bugle, someone has actually gotten off their ass and practiced some experienced journalism in the form of doing an actual background check on Dr. Rinehart. Foswell has discovered that there is no psychiatrist named Ludwig Rinehart, from Europe or anywhere else. (You don’t say!)
J.J. Jameson decides to chose this moment to worry about his journalistic integrity and demands they kill the story on Rinehart. (Maybe those people chained to the printing press will finally get a break…) He then rushes out to confront Rinehart in person.
At this point you may be asking yourself (but probably aren’t), what about Betty Brant? Well, she’s there, in the office, lamenting her love troubles while she waits for Jameson to come back.
Someone has to be on call at all times at the Bugle just in case a story comes in about that menace Spider-Man.
Betty Brant isn’t the only person who has Peter Parker on the mind tonight. He’s also haunting the thoughts of one Mr. Flash Thompson, who wonders if Liz Allan is out with Peter at that very moment. He’s decided to wander the streets, hoping to catch them together so he can finally take his aggression out on Peter.
Flash has no such luck catching his girlfriend and Peter in flagrante, but he does find someone he can use as a target for his anger – J.J. Jameson A.K.A. “the guy who’s always knockin’ on Spider-Man.” As the President of the Forrest Hills Spider-Man Fan Club, Flash takes it upon himself to chase Jameson down and demand that he stop printing stories that malign Spidey.
Jameson, naturally, takes the time to stop and discuss the issue with Mr. Thompson and – no, wait, he doesn’t do that. He tells him to go play in traffic.
The X-Men get picked on enough, Flash. THE WORLD FEARS AND HATES THEM.
Jameson keeps running, ignoring Flash’s threat to gather up some friends and picket the Bugle. He’s got to stop Dr. Rinehart before he ruins his good name and makes people think his paper is full of lies he just made up!
Dr. Rinehart, however, is busy psychoanalyzing Spider-Man and curing his “schizophrenia.” He’s got a simple solution, too – if having a secret identity is tearing apart Spider-Man’s psyche, then all he has to do is reveal who he really is. Problem solved!
And Spider-Man’s totally about to just go along with it, too (right after he looks up “gullible” in the dictionary to see if his picture is there) when an unlikely hero saves the day.
J. Jonah Jameson!
Jameson has spent so much of his life angry, he has literally turned red.
Spider-Man hears Jameson accuse of Dr. Rinehart of being a fraud, and begins to think maybe this complete stranger doesn’t actually know anything about his mental state. However, before Jameson can say anything else, Flash Thompson arrives to “help” his hero Spider-Man. And by “help” I mean tackle J.J. and let the actual villain run off.
Spider-Man chases Dr. Rinehart, and while the hallucinations appear again, they seem way less real this time. They run into the next room, which is an exact replica of the other room, only with everything stuck to the ceiling. Spider-Man’s been played!
Spidey then tackles Dr. Rinehart and “yields to a sudden impulse” to yank on Dr. Rinehart’s hair. Or what would be his hair were it not stuck to a mask.
And he would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling spider-kids!
Who would’ve ever thought that the “psychiatrist” who claims Spider-Man is crazy and could only be cured by revealing his true identity might actually be a villain trying to learn the true identity of Spider-Man? Twist!
Spider-Man ties up Mysterio with his webs and leaves because his work here is done. He wishes Mysterio better luck next time — “but not too much better” – and heads out.
But that still leaves the question as to how Mysterio was able to pull any of this off. How did he make Spider-Man think he was hallucinating? How did he manage to stay on the ceiling in the upside down room?
Don’t worry – Mysterio explains it all to Jameson in a way that makes everything he did seem perfectly possible and within the realm of scientifically sound.
See! It all makes sense!
After Mysterio’s confession, Jameson has a soul-crushing realization. If he’d simply stayed out of it, Spider-Man would now be defeated and his least-favorite “menace” would be off the streets.
All that hate and scheming could finally be over. He could’ve lived a good life, maybe retired to a nice tropical island somewhere, safe in the knowledge that Spider-Man was gone for good. But alas, no. He ruined all of that himself, and now not only has to live with that knowledge, but has to be mocked by Flash Thompson for it.
This is how ulcers are made.
So what is Spider-Man going to do now that he’s no longer schizophrenic?
Be a total dick, of course!
He runs into Liz Allan on the way home and decides he’ll go “tutor her in science” out of spite towards Betty for daring to send letters to Ned Leeds. Also, when Aunt May tells him she was worried about him when he ran out of the house (and ran out on cake!), Peter tells her to stop embarrassing him in front of women (he can do that himself, thank you very much!) and leaves with Liz. Aunt May tells him she’ll wait for him until he comes home from being out with his “young lady.” In the meantime, one can only assume that she’ll sit alone, baking cakes and waiting for Peter to come home so they can talk about how hard it is to be a teenager.
She’ll also be broke, since Peter never managed to make the money he’d planned to make in the first place. Oh well, at least he’s not in the Loony Bin!
All’s well that ends…well?
