There are few men in comics with chests quite as manly as Wolverine and Nick Fury. There’s also few men in comics who like to show off their chests as much as Wolverine and Nick Fury. Seriously, it’s like those guys are allergic to shirts.
But have you ever asked yourself which one of them spends more time running through the pages of comic books baring their chests?
Well, whether you have or not, I’m going to settle that debate right now, with the Definitive Shirts-Off Competition. A five-round battle that will finally decide once and for all whether Nick Fury or Wolverine has spent more time subjecting us all to their man-nips.
Before I begin, I’ll explain my very scientific method for developing this competition. In the name of fairness, I picked two sets of comics, each one a solo-title for one of our competitors, and each one that ran around the same era of comics (between the 80’s and 90’s). For Nick Fury, I chose comics from Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD vol. 2, which ran from 1989 – 1992. For Wolverine, all comics were chosen from Wolverine vol. 1, which ran from 1988 – 2003 (though the most recent comic I used was from 1998). All the issues I chosen were picked at random, with the help of a random number generator. Comics were only rejected if they didn’t include any shirtless panels at all. Because hey, if this is a bare chest competition, then we needs some bare chests.
For each of the ten comics chosen (five of each), I did a count of how many panels involved either full bare chests or panels where Wolverine or Fury’s shirts were ripped to the point that they might as well be shirtless. At the end, I’ll tally up who has a higher number of shirtless panels, and we’ll have our winner!
And now, let the battle begin!
Round One
vs. 
In this round, we pit Wolverine #90 against Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD #25. While there’s a pretty impressive scene of Fury doing shirtless martial arts, he manages to only keep his shirt off for three panels. Wolverine, on the other hand, is shirtless for eight panels, over four different scenes, one of which has him in a hot tub.
Round One: Wolverine
Current Tally: Wolverine – 8, Fury – 3
Round Two
vs. 
This round is Wolverine #3 against Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD # 31. Neither of them racks up a very impressive chest-count in this round, with just one shirtless scene each, and, for most of Fury’s, he’s technically wearing a shirt, he just doesn’t bother to button it. Or close it at all, really. He shows off more than enough pecs for it to count, and I’ll give him the points on this one. So that’s three panels for Wolverine and five for Fury.
Round Two: Nick Fury
Current Tally: Wolverine – 11, Fury – 8
Round Three
vs. 
Here we have Wolverine #52 and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD #3. Fury puts up a good fight in this one, and he’s somehow reverted to his WWII self, back when he seemingly wore nothing but tear-away shirts. However, Wolverine is not allowing himself to be beaten with this one as he spends the entire comic shirtless, including the cover. In the end, that’s twenty-four shirtless panels for Wolverine to Nick Fury’s seventeen.
Round Three: Wolverine
Current Tally: Wolverine – 35, Fury – 25
Round Four
vs. 
This round is Wolverine #42 against Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD #21. This one has to go to Wolverine. Even though Fury goes the full shirtless in a wrestling match with Baron von Strucker, it’s only three panels of shirtless glory. Wolverine spends the entire comic baring his manly, manly chest – for thirteen total panels. Also, Nick Fury makes an appearance in Wolverine #42 and keeps his shirt on the entire time.
Round Four: Wolverine
Current Tally: Wolverine – 48, Fury – 28
Round Five
vs. 
The final round comes down to Wolverine #15 and Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD #6. Wolverine’s in the lead here, with three rounds to one in his favor and Fury trailing by twenty panels. But this is all a numbers game, folks, and Fury can pull back in the lead with one good panel count.
A panel count of forty-four to be exact.
That’s right. Nick Fury bares his chest an astonishing forty-four times in this comic. Wolverine puts up a pretty good fight with his own count of fifteen panels, but forty-four is hard number to beat.
Round Five: Nick Fury
Current Tally: Wolverine – 63, Fury – 72
WINNER
Well, there you have it folks. Winning by nine panels is Nick Fury, Agent of Chest Hair. Wolverine put up a good fight for sure, but it’s hard to beat a man with a dedication to bare chests like Nick Fury’s. This is a man who fought almost all of WWII with no more than scraps of fabric as the top of his uniform, his chest so manly no shirt could contain it, even in the dead of winter.
Wolverine may be the best there is at what he does, but Nick Fury? He’s the best at being shirtless.
I’m not sure what to say. That was your usual fun post, now with less shirts. And now we know the answer to one of comic’s most important questions.
It was one of comic’s most important questions, and one I was willing to sacrifice a piece of my sanity to answer for everyone else.
Hmn….no Bobby Drake??