The Melodrama of Dino Manelli

Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos has always been a personal favorite of mine. One of the best moments of my life was when, at 13 years old, I found a huge stack of issues in an antique store in East Texas for a dollar. So when I decided to start this blog up again after a long hiatus, I thought maybe it was time to recap one of the old adventures of the Howlers. This week’s comic is Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos #42, originally published in May, 1962. It’s edited by Stan Lee, written by Gary Friedrich, and “plotted and penciled” Dick Ayers. We’re promised right there on the cover that “battle mags’ll never be the same AGAIN,” Let’s see if that’s true, shall we?

The comic begins innocently enough. We see the Howlers engaged in a game of poker, with Reb Ralston boasting about his awesome poker skills. Or, at least I assume that’s what he means when he announces, “Ah decleah…y’all bettah get ready to start playin’ on next yeah’s pay-checks…’cause Ol’Reb’s done drawn fouah li’l ol’ Aces!” Now, I’m from the South. I’ve lived in Texas, Tennessee, and South Carolina. I’ve got a pretty good background on Southern accents, and one of my own for that matter. I tried to read that aloud and couldn’t pronounce a single thing. So I’ll just assume from this point on that when Reb says he’s from “the South,” he means a planet in the southern part of the galaxy and is, in fact, an alien. (A lot of things make more sense that way, honestly.)

Anyway, while Reb is yelling about what’s anybody’s guess, Erik Koenig, Former Nazi, is angsting quietly about the fate of his sister Ilsa who still lives in Berlin (do you think this might be important to the plot???) and taking the fact that the Howlers are currently playing poker to mean they all think the war, and by extension, his sister’s situation, is one big game. I would imagine if Erik spends this much time making everything the Howlers do all about him and his angst, then he’s probably not the most fun guy to hang out with.

Honestly, that “accent” of Reb’s makes me want to punch him, too.

Naturally, Reb says one more word. Or more like a string of sounds that could be words, and Erik decides to show just how serious he is about his sister by immediately leaving the poker game he voluntarily started playing to go save her. Oh, wait, he doesn’t do that at all. He jumps across the table and starts a fight with Reb. Because that’s helpful to everyone. Or no one. I get those two confused. However, before Erik can finish showing his concern for his sister by thrashing his teammate/guy who has nothing to do with it, Sgt. Fury of Howling Commando fame comes rushing into the room to let everyone know Happy Sam has finally given them a new mission. No more poker games and impromptu wrestling matches, boys – there’s Nazis to kill!

However, before Fury and the Howlers can go to Happy Sam and find out which Nazis need killin’ today, Fury notices a problem – Dino Manelli is missing. We soon learn he’s been missing for a few days now, but no one felt the need to say, mention it. See, his girlfriend was recently murdered by Nazis, and naturally, Dino decided to deal with it by jaunting off to London. Fury clearly can’t allow Happy Sam to find out Dino’s gone AWOL, so he makes the logical decision to tell the Howlers to “stall” Happy Sam long enough for him to go to London, find Dino, and convince him to come back to the base. All while seeing to it that no one ends up in the brig.

Really, Fury, how could you have known he’d be upset after watching his girlfriend be murdered by Nazis?

Amazingly, the Howlers are unable to pull off their plan of staying in Happy Sam’s office long enough to stall him the entire time Nick Fury travels to London and back (shocking!), as Happy Sam proves himself to be the only person in this entire comic to have even the tiniest bit of ability to form logical thoughts and declares their “little stalling game’s about as subtle as a thumbtack in a balloon factory.” And since, as Sam states, “Uncle Adolph [is not] gonna stop the war, just so Fury can play hide-and-seek”,” the Howlers have to go on their mission with or without their irascible leader. However, Happy Sam can’t simply send them out with no leader either, so (twist!) he orders them to follow Sgt. Fury’s sworn rival, Bull McGiveney.

  A face not even a mother could love.

It should be noted, however, that Dum Dum Dugan would have much preferred his dear friend Donald Duck to take over this job. I’m a little sad that we never got to see Cpt. Duck and his Quackin’ Quammandos, but I suppose it would’ve been difficult to explain why a naval man is suddenly in charge of a group of Army commandos. (Or perhaps with Disney now owning Marvel, it could only be a matter of time…)

Seriously, throw an eye patch on Donald Duck, and the resemblance is uncanny.

After the big reveal of Bull McGiveney as the temporary leader of the Howling Commandos, we’re left on a cliffhanger in order to follow Fury to London, where he’s found Dino in a pub, within two hours of leaving the base (I’m just going to imagine it was from the stench of booze and self-pity). I’d like to point out that the reason for the jump in narrative to the base to the pub is given as: “we know you Howlerites hate to see your heroes cry, so we’ll switch to a crowded London pub.” I’d say from that it’s safe to assume that the Howlers responded to the news they’d have to work with Bull by forming a hug circle and sobbing into each other’s arms. (Like, 99% possibility it totally happened. Maybe 95%.)

Fury confronts Dino and tells him he needs to come back and do his job. Because, you know, he’s a soldier and stuff. Dino says no. His heart is too broken for war! Or he could just be sick of all the manly crying back at base and want a beer. Either way, Fury’s having none of it, and proceeds to sit down with Dino and take a moment to bond with him over their shared pain of losing a loved one to the war, all while taking into account that Dino’s probably more than a little shell-shocked from watching his girlfriend be murdered with Nazis.

Wait, no. He doesn’t do that. He berates Dino and lets him know that girlfriends die of Nazi murder all the time, and he needs to shut up and face the cold, hard facts of reality. I’d really hate to see what he’d do if he knew all the other Howlers were currently crying softly into their pillows.

“Pull yourself together, man! It’s not like you ran out of cigars!” – Sgt. Nick Fury, Agent of Dickery

Back at base, Fury and Dino have to face the consequences of going AWOL in the middle of a war. If you’re guessing this means they’re taken into military custody awaiting a disciplinary hearing and possible court marshalling, you’re just being silly. Of course the proper way to handle this is have Happy Sam yell at them for a good two panels and send them back to their bunks – where they promptly go AWOL again, this time in hopes of catching up with the Howlers as they head off with Bull McGiveney to complete their very important but as yet detailed mission.

And how do they manage this? By lying their way onto a B-12 carrying propaganda flyers. We’re also reminded here that such a move means Fury’s “risking his career,” but given the fact that he and Dino have gotten away with going AWOL not three panels ago, I’m skeptical of that.

In the meantime, the Howlers have stopped their hysterical sobs long enough to paratroop into Germany, where we finally learn that the Howlers have five hours to hit a factory. Bull McGiveney apparently has absolutely no plans for how they’re supposed to accomplish this, other than yelling that he’s a sergeant so they have to all shut up and do what he says. (Donald Duck is looking like a better and better choice, honestly). While Bull tries to figure out where they are on a map, Erik learns from said map that they are but 15 miles from Berlin and takes the opportunity to once again angst about his poor sister. He laments not having Fury there because surely, he’d allow him to take a quick trip into Berlin in the middle of WWII in order to check in on her. (Although honestly, considering everyone in this comic is bat-shit insane, this assumption probably isn’t all that off base…)

Shockingly, the Howlers soon have to stop their attempt to plan their mission after they’ve already parachuted into German when GASP! Nazi soldiers show up after a team of Allied commandoes drops in fifteen miles outside Berlin. The Howlers are as shocked by this turn of events as I’m sure you are.

Nazis in WWII Germany? Unheard of!

These are the Howling Commandos, however, and it takes more than twenty heavily-armed Nazis to stop them! They put the Fear of the Howlers in them with their chilling battle cry of “Wah-Hoo!” while literally knocking the helmets right off their heads. Never one to miss up a chance to hurl crazy insults at Germans, Nick Fury falls from the sky and right into the middle of the battle, conveniently showing up and sending the Nazis running.

Nick Fury has no fear when it comes to mixing his metaphors.

After all the Nazis have run away, presumably to change their pants, and the dust has cleared from that rousing battle, we discover that Erik Koenig has vanished. At first they believe he may have been taken prisoner by the Nazis, but as Reb oh-so-realistically argues, it takes a lot more than twenty Nazis to overpower a Howler. The only possibly explanation is that Erik has gone to Berlin to do a welfare check on his sister. When Bull McGiveney refuses to abandon their mission to take a group of eight soldiers into Berlin to chase after a former-Nazi who’s run off under his own free will (imagine that!), Dino and Fury decide to go AWOL again. I guess their stern-talking to from Happy Sam really didn’t teach them a lesson!

In need of transportation and disguises, Dino and Fury wait anxiously for “several minutes” until two Nazis in a motorcycle and sidecar ride by, announcing loudly as one does when on an important, high security-clearance type mission, “You should be proud, Heinrich! Ve alone have been chosen to carry a dispatch to Der Fuehrer!” Tipped off to the fact that this is conveniently exactly what they were looking for, Dino and Fury spend the next twenty seconds climbing a tree and waiting for the Nazis to ride by at the exact right moment so Dino can use a rope they stole from Reb to lasso both of them (a la Gene Autry) and pull them off their bikes while Fury drops onto the motorcycle from the tree. Like so:

That sound you hear is the Laws of Physics screaming in pain.

Armed with a motorcycle, Nazi uniforms, and Dino’s command of the German language (which is good enough to “talk the Swastikas offa any Krauts,” apparently) , they’re now ready to head to Berlin and hunt down Erik. They assume he’s gone to his sister’s house, which they vaguely remember the location of from this one time they went there, but are pretty sure they can find, even if they have to have Dino ask for directions at a gas station. (I didn’t make that up. I wish I had.)

Meanwhile, Erik has managed to waltz right into Berlin, beat up an S.S. guard, and get into his sister’s house under the guise of being there to arrest her. Erik warns Ilsa that they don’t have much time, the S.S. is outside her house, and they have to grab her things and run as fast as they can so he can get her to safety. She’s understandably very concerned about exactly what she should be concerned about in a situation such as this: the well-being of Dino Manelli. See, the last time Ilsa saw Dino, he was injured, and she simply must know right that very second if he’s okay. Because there may be Nazis outside her door, but Dino is just so dreamy! Women, amirite?

I’ve seen this very thing played out in Lifetime movies. It never ends well for anyone.

With the important issue of Dino’s health cleared up, Erik and Ilsa are ready to flee from the Nazis. However, the actual S.S. officers soon bust in and inform Erik that he has made the mistake of merely beating the officer he stole the uniform to a bloody pulp and not actually killing him. A still-breathing man is a still-talking man, and now the Koenigs are going down for all their crimes against the Fuehrer. How ever will they make it to freedom – and more importantly, how will Ilsa ever have her chance to see dreamy matinee idol Dino Manelli ever again?

When has anyone in this comic taken the time for thought?

Have no fear, as Dino and Fury show up just in the nick of time (sorry, I couldn’t resist…) yet again, and help them fight their way out. They then steal a car from an S.S. guard who literally has his back turned to them and drive away. With the aide of a stolen passport, they make it out of Berlin only to be caught up with moments later. A car chase ensues that is apparently so confusing, even a member of the Master Race can’t figure out what the hell is going on.

No really.

No word on whether Aryans can pat their heads and rub their bellies at the same time.

However, it takes a lot more than that to stop the Howlers and their friends, as Ilsa does away with the Truck o’ Nazis by tearing herself away from Dino’s
fiercely burning eyes long enough to blow it right the fuck up.

We jump from there back to the Howlers, just in case anyone forgot they were busily heading towards a munitions factory outside of Berlin (I won’t lie. I totally forgot about that). Bull yells, Howlers yell, people say things in improbable accents. But then we go back to Nick Fury and Co. to discover that Ilsa used to work at that same munitions factory. And they’re also headed there. To also blow it up!

The next couple panels confused me enough to actually make me go a little cross-eyed, so I’ll just give you the ultimate fate of the Luftwaffe Munitions Factory.

A fiery paroxysm of death and destruction indeed.

There was apparently not enough death and destruction, however, because the Nazis soon get over it and come after Dino, Fury, and the Koenigs. But not the Howlers, since Bull McGiveney can’t read a map and they have yet to find their way to the factory they were supposed to blow up in the first place. (Really.) A firefight ensues, and Ilsa Koenig (who, it’s important to note, is wearing stilettos to escape and subsequently fight Nazis) twists her ankle, causing her to tell the others to leave her to die. Because honestly, someone who wears stilettos to a gun fight is probably stupid to live anyway.

They can’t abandon her, however, because then there’d be more crying and you can’t shoot with tears in your eyes, so Dino, scoops her up and carries her for the rest of the fight. Because he’s a movie star, dammit, and that’s what movie stars do.

I think we can  all agree that by “repay” she means “sex.”

It’s then that the Howlers finally manage to show up, charging in like the cavalry to help Fury and the others make it out of their alive. The battle’s a fierce one, with fire, bullets, and even B-12 bombers. The only casualty on the side of the Howlers, however, seems to be Nick Fury’s shirt.

I swear, Nick Fury’s shirts are all tear-aways.

After a page worth of confusing yelling and explosions, the Howlers plus Bull McGiveney and Ilsa manage to escape the Nazis and get to their rendezvous spot, where they await their pick up. Now, I could re-cap the next page, but honestly, I think you need to see it in its full glory, because there is a lot going on here. And it is all amazing.

[Click Picture to Enlarge]

That little yellow editor’s box of Stan Lee’s explains so much. And I assume this is where we learn how battle mags will “never be the same again,” as we were promised on the cover. Less battle, more crying and talking about your feelings, in the style of epic melodramas. Got it.

Some more Nazis show up after that to half-heartedly shoot at the Howler’s plane as they take off to head back to England, but it does no good, and everyone’s soon safe and sound back on Allied soil. However, for all the AWOLing and insubordination that’s been going on for the last twenty pages, we now have to deal with the fallout and possible court marshals.

Or, you know, everyone’s sent to their quarters and no one’s disciplined in the slightest. Because hey, this is the Howlers here, and it wouldn’t be a Sgt. Fury and His Howling Commandos comic without wacky shenanigans free of disciplinary consequences!

Pictured: Realism

And here we leave our heroes, presumably to go back to crying and discussing their feelings. In the meantime, Dino is probably going to miss out on his chance to experience Ilsa’s form of “repayment,” since it seems like Sam Sawyer is getting her gratitude now.

I guess we finally know why he’s “Happy” Sam…